Every culture throughout history has had its coming of age ceremonies to usher boys into manhood. The way in which they cross that line declares what kind of man they will be, and most importantly declares a time of life in which a boy becomes a man.
In our post-modern driven society, we do not have such ceremonies, and for some strange reason, they would be frowned upon if we did. Greed for an illusion of power has created a hate for the patriarchy and an abolishment of the masculine western man. If we remove our historic basis of what it means to be a good man by hating our western culture, what will our boys become? Where will they search for an example of manliness? We have been bullied into accepting a globalist mindset that is telling us to be a western man is wrong, and there is something seriously dangerous about that.
How does a boy know when he has become a man, and how will he know how to be a good man? If we as men and women do not reinject a good manly identity back into western society, it will be replaced by monstrous, abusive, and ravenous creatures bent on destroying our western culture which was created based on freedom, equality, and the pursuit of happiness.
While others flinch, a man stands in the fray guarding what he holds dear. There is a reason we are the way we are, and our role in society is vital to the peace and success of the world. Our strength, bravery, lack of fear, and compassion is vital to the peace of our societies. We are good for the world, good for families, good for government, and good for business. Here are 15 ways to be good at being a man.
Men are wild. Boys are wild. We’re born that way. We are called by the struggle, seek adventure, push the limits, and find joy living on the edge. That wildness is what most women (whether they want to admit it or not) instinctively find attractive about us. It’s how we learn about the world, our bodies, and its limits. It teaches us how to protect ourselves and others and to stand in harm’s way, without being afraid. We may even do it with a smile on our face.
Finding this wildness inside you is vital to your identity. You must find the absolute truth in yourself, and the truth is, you have a monster inside you. If you don’t look into its eyes, point it out, and take control of it, it will control you. By defeating it you wear it, instead of it wearing you. Then you can confront fear, conflict, and even defeat the darkness inside yourself. That same wildness in fathers is what creates tough children and trains them for life.
Stand up for the weak
Bullies will never go extinct. They wait in their uneducated corners of the world, ready to pounce like lions hunting for the weakest animal. A man boldly stands up for the rights of those who can’t fight for themselves. We are the care takers. Without men being brave enough to stand up for the weak, the world would be taken over by bullies.
We are the keepers of the earth, its citizens, our friends, our spouse, and most importantly our children. When our children see us taking a stand, they are learning two valuable lessons. First, that individuals bent on evil and destruction will not be allowed to set the stage for the lives of the rest of us. And secondly, they see that victims have the ability to stand on their own two feet again, even if they need to walk alongside someone else for a while, but they must stand on their own.
Meaning is dependent on the adoption of responsibility. Being a man has less to do with standing around protesting rights and more to do with responsibility. Protesting is for children who never had a proper father to shut them down when throwing a temper tantrum. It is a delayed maturation of a young population neglected in the ways of discipline.
If you are a true man, you don’t have time to protest because you are too busy getting stuff done and making the world a better place for the next generation. A man earns his rights. He doesn’t pout about not having them. If a man sees a problem he shouldn’t complain, just for the sake of complaining. He must embrace his responsibility to finding a solution.
It is our responsibility to be happy. Many people think of happiness as a reactionary feeling that is a result of things going very well for a person. If this was the case, we would be sad all the time, because nothing ever goes as we wish it to. This is the result of our feelings controlling our life and decisions. It is unpleasant for us as individuals, and is viral to those around us. Ask any kid with unpleasant parents, or any person with an unhappy spouse. It is a miserable state, and creates a victim mentality, which communicates, others are responsible for my happiness. The truth is, happiness is a responsibility rather than a reactionary feeling.
When you control your feelings, you are deciding for yourself the emotional environment in which you wish to create. If you decide to live in a happy state of mind, others around you soon become happy as well. Soon, even though you are not feeling happy on the inside, you will become happy as well. The more you do this, the more it becomes habit. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t communicate your feelings, or bottle them up. Let your feelings out with people you trust. Afterwords, move on, be happy, and get to work.
Get to work!
Boys were made to play hard and work hard. One cannot exist without the other. This is what made the great generation so great. They understood the value, discipline, duty and reward of hard work. If you said “thank you” to a WWII vet, he would say, “I was just doing my job”. That is an attitude worth respect. Work is what we were made to do. You know it and feel it at the end of a hard day’s work when you’re sore, tired, and happy with yourself.
Work not only defines us as men, but it keeps us going. It gives us purpose and keeps us young. When we become idle, we cause trouble for ourselves and others or start to fall apart. Without work our muscle, brain, and will power become weak. Enjoy your work and you will begin to enjoy the process of discovery and creation with out giving in to the pressure of the result.
Men aren’t game players or brown nosers. A man sees the good in others and lets them know about it. Look for people’s true strengths and point it out to them. It’s pretty simple, but few seem to do it. The next generation of men seem to be too busy naval gazing to consider others. It is your job as a man to encourage good behavior and say it with authentic confidence and masculinity. While children need boundries and bad behavior should be discouraged, they are best raised through positive reinforcement, and encouraging good behavior. All people and many animals work this way.
Whining has never fixed anything. It just sounds annoying and looks poorly on your character. If you are going to complain, have a well thought solution for the problem. Having a solution makes you focus on solving a problem, rather than looking around for who to blame for causing it in the first place. As a parent this will help you get to the root of many arguments, and help to refocus children onto what is most valuable: relationships.
If something is eating you up on the inside, and you just can’t hold it in, find a close friend or find wife and complain to her. She’ll enjoy you sharing with her. One, because she appreciates you trusting and confiding in her, and two because she’ll appreciate you trusting that she can help you with the problem, and she probably will. Three, because you are a team, and that is what a team does – works together to achieve a goal, and your goal as a couple is to be successful at life.
Truth is found in the definition of words. Through communication, it becomes the most powerful force on earth. Truth holds the seams of the world together, so seek it out with all of your being. It sets the stage of what makes life worth while. Feelings fall in second place when compared to truth, because feelings are a reaction, which are conditional upon surroundings. Seeking and telling the truth is not for the meek, because it often hurts.
Don’t avoid the truth, because a lack of it leads to corruption, creating a monster that continues to grow the longer you avoid it. Eventually you will have to face it. Many countries throughout history who abandon truth experience a great loss of life, or complete destruction. Just like death, truth cannot be avoided.
But, sometime it’s not your fault. Like when what you know as truth gets rocked, and you find yourself in the underworld of reality. You are in a state of chaos. The only way out is to find the truth again. It is not an easy thing to face. Begin with what you know you can depend on. Find the foundation of your truth and build upon it.
When you do find the truth, bring it up from the underworld. Hold it up for the world to see. Now, the world can also benefit from what you have discovered. They do not have to venture into the underworld of chaos to find it.
Men love women. We are fascinated with them biologically, psychologically, and emotionally. To be honest, I believe many men prefer women’s company over men’s. Which is natural. I personally prefer my wife’s company over any one else. She is equally intelligent, but perfectly balances my mindset, temperament, and tendencies. While we do compete, it has less to with winning and more to do with playfulness, at least that’s how I feel about it. This is a nice break from guy competition, which is not playful. Men are born with a soft spot for women. We fear their wrath, anticipate their company, and find them naturally intoxicating.
Everybody desires to be wanted, but I feel women do more so than men.
That’s why they wear make up and get dressed up anytime they go out for dinner, or movies. Let them know they are wanted, needed, and valuable for exactly who they are. If you don’t let them know they will have no respect for you. Don’t wait for women to ask you out. Ask them out even if you expect rejection. Getting rejected humbles you, keeps you tough, and lessens the fear of rejection.
Whether you are single or married. Man is a visual creature, If you are single you should be looking for a wife not a sleeping buddy. Anyone who says differently is just making excuses to achieve a temporary meaningless sexual release, which will lead you only further down a path of loneliness. Sorry, but it’s True.
Have a set of good values
Values find us whether we adhere to them or not. They are what we find most important in life. Every thing that you find worth fighting for. Having a set of good values will help you make the hardest decisions in your life. They also help you live longer, happier, and increase the quality of your life and the lives around you. In their absence meaning and life it’s self will turn to ashes.
Establish a set for yourself and live by them. Telling the truth, being trust worthy, or not judging others are a good place to start. When you live by your values people will look to you for wisdom. Values are what parents find important to pass down to children, and they should be.
Be the first to admit to something humble. It makes you relatable, authentic, and honest. If you consider your self tough at all you can handle a little teasing. Expect it. Laugh at it, and enjoy it. Banter is fun part of friendship and relationship. You will look confident and secure as you smile and shrug your shoulders. As if to say “That’s me, take it your leave it.”
Be vulnerable with your children. Tell them when you make mistakes, when you felt afraid of something, or that you are sorry for when you treated them unfairly. This lets children know that it is ok to make mistakes and communicate about them. It will allow them to feel more confident with their identity and help them to move forward from problems rather than dwell on them. Most importantly it will teach them that the truth is worth revealing even when it makes you appeared wrong or flawed.
Play with kids like a kid
Everybody wants to be respected as an adult would, even children. They find pride in them selves when parents say you are a big boy or girl, this is why they pretend, and play. They practicing being an adult. Squat down on their level when you talk to them, and look them in the eyes. Baby language is disgusting, and I guarantee children feel the same way. I did.
Even thought, children are practicing to be adults, they aren’t yet. So when you as a parent demote yourself and play with your children as they would, their respect and trust in you, increases. You are seeing the world through their eyes, and children notice. I guarantee your wife or a potential spouse will notices to.
Look people in the eyes
People who avoid eye contact are communicating three things. One, they feel guilty about something, two, they feel awkward and uncomfortable, or three, they lack confidence in themselves. Look someone in the eyes especially when you are saying please, thank you, and your welcome. I personally believe that many people won’t look you in the eyes the more they feel guilt about their life choices. They judge themselves because they worry you can see their reflection as they do.
If you want to be a good parent your whole life, look your children in the eyes. When they are young and learning bounderies, make sure they look you in the eyes when you are communicating important things. By the time they are older they will want you to listen to them with your eyes, especially when discussing something of value. Children will not look you in the eyes when the have done something they know they shouldn’t. Eyes are the window to the soul.
Don’t Careless, be a Caretaker
If you remove the identity and purpose of man, he becomes careless. A careless man only reports to his baser instincts. His concern is purely of self satisfaction. Those are never good things to surrender to. Men want to care. They crave a purpose. Their true instinct is to take care. Once you go from being careless to a caretaker, your actions are motivated by selflessness and not self satisfaction.
Men are caretakers, not just of their own family and property, but of the world. They keep bullies in check, give the least likely a fair chance, and keep the truth at the center of every objective. By doing this you create an environment that is safe and comfortable, especially during moments of high anxiety. Jumpiness communicates discomfort, lack of trust, or an eagerness to be somewhere else.
When you are relaxed, you make others feel comfortable. You appear confident, and pleased to be in your present company. The more stressful a situation gets the calmer you should act. Your composure during times of stress insures well thought decisions, open communication, and trustworthiness. Your demeanor soon becomes contagious, and people will begin to look forward to your company.
Clean up your messes
Men are not perfect. They make mistakes, a lot. When we make a mess, it is usually a big one. While I believe having tiny creature comforts here and there communicates your identity and makes others feel at home. If you create a mess whether psychological, physiological, or environmental. Clean it up. If you help your wife clean up, you are sending her a huge “I love you” message, and she won’t forget it. When you clean up your messes as a father, you instill good habits in your children, and you are teaching them how to take care of their belongings.
Clean your room first. There is external and internal cleanliness. Just like a messy office or room, it is difficult to organize your thoughts and form a plan of action for your life if your emotions, thoughts, and attitude are in chaos. When you begin to clean up your inner self, you can begin to see where you are in your life, and be satisfied with yourself. Then you can help others, and you realize the difficulty of keeping your feelings and thoughts in order.
Any type of growth requires a breaking down of your self, in order to develop new ideas and achieve growth. Just like how you grow muscle, you must push yourself to a limit in which it destroys itself. It is a painful process that requires intention for growth. Your identity, intelligence, and character require the same deconstruction, and reconstruction in order to grow and find contentment. You do this in two ways.
Study any chance you get.
Bury your nose in education. Absorb knowledge in every form, and own it. Read books, listen to podcasts, research the news and events, and soak in history. “The more you know about the past, the better prepared you are for the future.” Teddy Rosevelt. If you ever get in a discussion with someone about your beliefs and political view, you need to know your history and facts to defend it. You may even change your position on a certain view once the facts have been revealed to you.
Debate with friends.
Don’t debate to win or show yourself to be more knowledgeable. The purpose of a good debate is to arrive at a greater truth through discussion and collaboration of knowledge, ideas and beliefs. Don’t be bullied by stereotyping words, which most people with weak arguments use to oppress those who have an actual position and facts. Practice a clear intellect, and point out what you see in an effort to understand more.
Repair things don’t Replace them
Fixing things will bring you joy, for the very reason that it is a struggle. It may even fix you. From mechanics, to psychologist, to IT techs, or even brain surgeons, men love fixing things, and we’re good at it. It is at the very core of our search for purpose. Everything decays, and corrupts over time, but we can elongate life, relationships and things we own by maintaining them. It increases our personal value through knowledge and experience and the value of that which we repair grows. Then, it become a bigger part of our life story, bringing more fulfillment to our existence
Over consumption and consumerism in the west has taught us to replace rather than repair.
This idea has stolen part of our job that brings us contentment. We were made to fix things for our spouse, our children, our friends, our parents, and even our government. We are responsible for it because we have invested in it. This is why we should teach your children how to fix things. It helps them appreciate their belongings as well as others. It also educates them on the construction of things, and the value of being a survivor.
Imagine the impact we could have, if we repaired all the things our culture is telling us to replace. Pollution would decrease, families would stay together, and children would grow up with a proper reference of what a man should be.
Now is the time to be good at being a man.
A wild man, who knows his identity and place in the world that flexes and grins at the approach of a bully. A brave man, who doesn’t shrink at controversy and defends the weak. A free man, who speaks his convictions and seeks truth in words. A responsible man, who understands his duty to family, friends, culture, and his government. A wise man, who communicates with a gentle firmness, listens to others, and always seeks truth.
The world is desperate for us to be good at being a man.